How To Handle Marriage Arguments
Marriage is by far the largest institution in the world, an institution which runs on faith and mutual trust between two people who are born and brought up in two different social, cultural and to some extent financial environment. After marrying they start to stay under the same roof 24/7.There likes and dislikes may be alike or, as commonly seen vary. The opinion varies, as they are two different individuals.
Reasons can be plenty, say a wet towel thrown on the bed carelessly, by the husband, a drink refused by the wife because it was nearing dinner time, who’s mother would visit next, etc etc. or, may be more serious issues like the money, children or job related matters.This difference of opinion if rises frequently gives rises to arguments and clashes between the husband and the wives. No marriage can escape the bite of argument or silly fights between the couples. Remember if anyone boasts that his/her marriage runs without argument and occasional silly fights, he/she is either a liar or are not in the relation ship!
Here one must understand that arguments are bound to happen and are not always bad, at times, they are healthy too. It might lead to strengthen the bond between the couples and lead to a better understanding of each other. However, arguments that lead to abuse and bitterness in relationships are very unhealthy and uncalled for.There is no rule book for dos and don’ts in an argument in marriage, just try to avoid argumentative confrontation on daily basis. It depends upon the spouse and how both of you handle it.
The Right Time
Do see the mood and the judge the correct time for the topic to be discussed, before you broach up an unwanted but, important topic. No one can help you to do, but only you. As, you know your spouse better. If the problem demands immediate attention, stay cool and start to speak in a calm voice and keep it low, for you already know that the topic is unwanted and might lead to tension, which you don’t want. You will see the effect in no time. How ever the other person gets agitated the other one must keep his/her cool.
Try to use words like “dear”, darling” or any other endearment that your spouse like to hear. This will keep him/her have the feel that the topic is being ‘discussed’ rather than ‘let’s talk it out straight’.Try to come to a solution which both of you can agree on. Having ones own way is not marriage. Marriage is about sharing and caring and largely a partnership between two people, who at time s also need their own space. So, try not to be bossy and dominating.
Don’t Pull Matters
At times there may arise an argument from no where. Don’t go with the flow of the argument; try to stay close to the point of argument. Don’t bring old and past grudges in the present. That will lead to more trouble. Never, ever prolong the matter. If your spouse quits from the argument, and says sorry, immediately hug and forget.
If your spouse has kept quite throughout and it has turned to be a monologue, it may be an indication that he/she may have already given it a thought and has accepted his/her fault. Don’t make it worst for him/her by dragging the matter. Remember it is not always the males; the females too have inflated egos, to say sorry. Let it go, don’t hold back. After all you love him/her! Tomorrow is another new day.
Public display of Affection is acceptable but not Public Display of Argument! Don’t start to argue in public, for you do not want to be insulted in the public neither does your spouse. Even if one of you is little immature to do so, the other can surely handle the matter rather than blow it. People will only have fun and will not help you! Place of argument should be in the privacy of your bedroom. If you are living in a joint family, don’t bring it out in the drawing room!
You can do without the spectators. This will only aggravate the mater and the other one will wait to inflict the same insult to you in public, making it a vicious circle. Wait till you are alone. This will help him/her to understand that you value his /her self-respect and will care to do the same for you, bringing harmony in the relation. Always kiss and make up! He/she is bound to forget.
Try To Avoid The Blame Game
You have done this and done that will lead to you to nowhere. Start by saying “how I wish things were like this” or “wish things were done in this way”, rather than “it is because of you that this has happened”. This will not only ring the emotional note in your partner, but also helps the spouse to be aware of it in future. You can’t undo the harm done but can avoid it for future.
Not In Front Of The Children
Arguing in front of the children not only put them in immense pressure on them. For, they don’t understand what their parents are “fighting’ (remember they don’t understand such words like, argument, taking it out etc. they are too young for these word) about. It can to a large extent cause irreversible damage to their future. Children are the link between the parents, an important part of the marriage. They look upon you for every small and big issue. Try to be as soft as possible if you have to argue in front of them. Children are extra sensitive.
Even if they do not understand the matter they can very well feel the negative vibes. Parents arguing non-stop in front the kids loose respect an end up being miserable afterwards. These children grow up disrespecting both the father and the mother. Do something, play aboard game all together, start a pillow fight or either of you tell a story if you have had a bad argument in front of the kids to make the matter settle down. Children thrive on happy and jolly parents and will forget in no time. Hug and hang on love…
Respect The Feelings
Arguments happen. You cannot choose to argue. If you choose to argue, it’s called debate and not argument. So, bringing in matters, such as ‘your mother’ and ‘my mother’ are highly dangerous and sensitive as an issue. We all try to inflict maximum pain to make our spouse feel the pain we have suffered. But it never happens. What we get is injured ego and a broken heart. Never allow such comments to come from you, when you are arguing about something else.As you love your parents so doe he/she.
If he/she doesn’t want to talk about a certain problem, wait for the appropriate time and broach up the topic don’t nag and nurse anger. Give space to your partner. Both of you need to introspect. Arguments happen and can they be avoided too. Avoid if you can. Ignore petty issues and trivial matters. Later in your life you will feel foolish to have let go some beautiful moments in arguments. So, argue but also forgive and forget!Do not love to argue but argue to love.